For those of you who are new to me and my work, I’d love to give you a quick run down of all the ‘letting go’s’ that have happened over the last six months of my 39 years.
For me this has been huge, terrifying, exciting, painful, and a journey full of adventure; everyday asking of myself to let go and allow something new to show up in my life. This has required deep, raw and truthful conversations with myself; and at times, has scared the hell out of me.
But before I do, I’d like to say I’m sitting here in my room in beautiful Byron Bay creating a new life for myself…one full of sunshine and joy; looking out across the land outside my window where the bright coloured birds chirp, the green lush intoxicates my eyes and I feel an incredible sensation of being home. I recently left Melbourne with only a trailer on the back of my car. I was leaving clean; nothing to carry around with me. This happened 7 weeks ago in search of a new way of living; one that expressed the real and true me. I’m still finding my way around but I know I’m certainly on the right path. It almost felt that I had been spat out of my old life to find something extraordinary for myself and I am. I’ve met beautiful people, have a gorgeous flatmate who is as true as true can be. I’ve also been confronted by individuals who are there to serve my healing path even further (again, more courage) however, on a whole I’m feeling complete. I’m finding stillness in myself and it is much needed.
Letting go of friends….
As I sit in a place of reflection, I look at the 10 years of friendship with a group of women that I had to let go of and let go with love. This was incredibly challenging and took every ounce of courage because I had become ingrained in this tribe and one day I saw that we were no longer speaking the same language. I was longing for real and authentic friendships; ones that were ok with telling their truth even when it didn’t look sexy. Ones that welcomed vulnerability, support and humour on each other’s journey. I stayed up late many times pondering with my heart, asking for guidance so that I could let go of this tribe that no longer served me. And one day, I received my answer and a circumstance was created by divine intervention that heard the whispers of my soul asking for a way to let go. To say the least, this was tough because it meant starting over again and moving into the wild edges of unknown. I also did a stocktake on all the other friendships that were in my life that were no longer speaking to me in the same way that they once had and gently let go. The more courage I sum up, the more courage I’m asked to give whilst taking 100% responsibility for myself.
Letting go of relationships….
I thought my relationship was the one for me; that we would live happily ever after pursuing our dreams together. I had loved this man with all of me and evidence was showing up telling me that it was time to let go of him. This was heartbreaking; at times with tears so large I could not see and snot spilling out of my nose in full featal position on the floor praying for God to put me out of my misery. Again, a time to let go. That was a hard one.
Letting go of children….
My two boys. With everything that was happening inside of me, I knew I must follow my truth. I sat down with my boys one night and asked them if it would be ok for me to move up to Byron Bay. Speaking these very words evoked a lot of guilt inside of me. Questions in my head went something like this – How could I be so selfish to leave and be with myself? What kind of mother am I and the questions went on like a dog running in circles trying to find it’s tail (it’s insane!). Plenty of stuff ran through my head that I had to make amends with. The most amazing thing happened though. I realised that they had there own lives with their dad pursuing their dreams of riding professional motocross so on some level they understood what I was out looking to do. And when it was time to leave, with tears in my eyes, I said to my eldest – ‘I feel so sad that I’m leaving you’ and he simply responded….’there is nothing to be sad about mum.’ I’m going to see my babies very shortly and am very excited!
Letting go of material possessions….
Another letting go was all my possessions that I had accumulated over my last 14 years….selling absolutely everything bar my personal items and photos of my two boys. I have to confess that it was a liberating experience; one that left me with a new, white, clean canvas to paint on. And let me tell you, I am busy painting.
So here I am to you my dear reader, expressing to you in the raw and vulnerable. There has been a lot of letting go and new beautiful beginnings. Even through all the change, I do not regret one single bit of it. I’m feeling alive with all my emotions and I allow them to be there freely and openly saying hello and they make themself known.
My question to you:
What is it that you need to let go of? They do not neccessarily need to be drastic (although that tends to be my style and I don’t encourage it!)…but what could you gently let go of today so as to make an opening for something that is sitting in your hearts purest desire to make itself known to you?
Like the poet David Whyte says ~ ‘anything, anyone or any place that doesn’t bring you alive, is too small for you.’