Deanne Mathews

It is a time of letting go and it’s not always easy. Well, that’s been my experience anyway.

For those of you who are new to me and my work, I’d love to give you a quick run down of all the ‘letting go’s’ that have happened over the last six months of my 39 years.
For me this has been huge, terrifying, exciting, painful, and a journey full of adventure; everyday asking of myself to let go and allow something new to show up in my life. This has required deep, raw and truthful conversations with myself; and at times, has scared the hell out of me.

But before I do, I’d like to say I’m sitting here in my room in beautiful Byron Bay creating a new life for myself…one full of sunshine and joy; looking out across the land outside my window where the bright coloured birds chirp, the green lush intoxicates my eyes and I feel an incredible sensation of being home. I recently left Melbourne with only a trailer on the back of my car. I was leaving clean; nothing to carry around with me. This happened 7 weeks ago in search of a new way of living; one that expressed the real and true me. I’m still finding my way around but I know I’m certainly on the right path. It almost felt that I had been spat out of my old life to find something extraordinary for myself and I am. I’ve met beautiful people, have a gorgeous flatmate who is as true as true can be. I’ve also been confronted by individuals who are there to serve my healing path even further (again, more courage) however, on a whole I’m feeling complete. I’m finding stillness in myself and it is much needed.

Letting go of friends….
As I sit in a place of reflection, I look at the 10 years of friendship with a group of women that I had to let go of and let go with love. This was incredibly challenging and took every ounce of courage because I had become ingrained in this tribe and one day I saw that we were no longer speaking the same language. I was longing for real and authentic friendships; ones that were ok with telling their truth even when it didn’t look sexy. Ones that welcomed vulnerability, support and humour on each other’s journey. I stayed up late many times pondering with my heart, asking for guidance so that I could let go of this tribe that no longer served me. And one day, I received my answer and a circumstance was created by divine intervention that heard the whispers of my soul asking for a way to let go. To say the least, this was tough because it meant starting over again and moving into the wild edges of unknown. I also did a stocktake on all the other friendships that were in my life that were no longer speaking to me in the same way that they once had and gently let go. The more courage I sum up, the more courage I’m asked to give whilst taking 100% responsibility for myself.

Letting go of relationships….
I thought my relationship was the one for me; that we would live happily ever after pursuing our dreams together. I had loved this man with all of me and evidence was showing up telling me that it was time to let go of him. This was heartbreaking; at times with tears so large I could not see and snot spilling out of my nose in full featal position on the floor praying for God to put me out of my misery. Again, a time to let go. That was a hard one.

Letting go of children….
My two boys. With everything that was happening inside of me, I knew I must follow my truth. I sat down with my boys one night and asked them if it would be ok for me to move up to Byron Bay. Speaking these very words evoked a lot of guilt inside of me. Questions in my head went something like this – How could I be so selfish to leave and be with myself? What kind of mother am I and the questions went on like a dog running in circles trying to find it’s tail (it’s insane!). Plenty of stuff ran through my head that I had to make amends with. The most amazing thing happened though. I realised that they had there own lives with their dad pursuing their dreams of riding professional motocross so on some level they understood what I was out looking to do. And when it was time to leave, with tears in my eyes, I said to my eldest – ‘I feel so sad that I’m leaving you’ and he simply responded….’there is nothing to be sad about mum.’ I’m going to see my babies very shortly and am very excited!

Letting go of material possessions….
Another letting go was all my possessions that I had accumulated over my last 14 years….selling absolutely everything bar my personal items and photos of my two boys. I have to confess that it was a liberating experience; one that left me with a new, white, clean canvas to paint on. And let me tell you, I am busy painting.

So here I am to you my dear reader, expressing to you in the raw and vulnerable. There has been a lot of letting go and new beautiful beginnings. Even through all the change, I do not regret one single bit of it. I’m feeling alive with all my emotions and I allow them to be there freely and openly saying hello and they make themself known.

My question to you:

What is it that you need to let go of? They do not neccessarily need to be drastic (although that tends to be my style and I don’t encourage it!)…but what could you gently let go of today so as to make an opening for something that is sitting in your hearts purest desire to make itself known to you?

Like the poet David Whyte says ~ ‘anything, anyone or any place that doesn’t bring you alive, is too small for you.’

In order to participate fully in life and bring forth the unique, creative gifts that are ours alone to midwife into the world, we must learn how to walk the precarious line between courage and surrender. We must wholeheartedly give ourselves over to the deepest impulse of love that is seeking to guide our lives. Living in service to love’s highest yearning is not a soft and gentle concept. It requires a fierce and uncompromising commitment to authenticity and truth that, once made, will burn through everything within us that obstructs the deeper calling of our lives. Love strips us bare and grinds us down until there is nothing left but the polished diamond of our essential nature, shining forth from the center of our hearts as a selfless offering of beauty to the world. The journey is not for the fainthearted. “Our love has to be nothing less than fearless. We need to have fearless love.” (an excerpt from Feminine Power and quoted by singer and songwriter, Melissa Etheridge).

To me, these are gorgeous lines of soulful communication. And I’m noticing within myself that as I move deeper into my own precarious line of courage and surrender, there is a visceral feeling bubbling inside of me that knows this to be true. It is a challenging yet a deeply alive journey that brings our truth to the forefront of our lives. This is where surprising synchronicities occur. This is where our creative endeavours sprout and breath life into the physical. This is where our magic becomes known.

I’ve been on a strong path of healing within my own life, one that has had me experience the full range of the piano keys, from deep despair to pure exhileration. I know that we all must continue to honour ourselves and to have the courage to be, do and say who we are in this life and to know when to surrender and trust what is.

So as most of you know, I belief we can only embrace courage and surrender through our action so here’s a simple (or maybe not!) exercise for you:

EXERCISE:

1. Re-define the word courage as to what it means to you. Be creative and own it so that you can express this through your interactions daily in an empowering way.
An example – My definition of Courage: I am a courage risk-taker which means taking a stand and backing myself in my truth (even if it causes discomfort). It means taking action through the stories that I tell myself of why I can’t be/do/have the things that are clearly important to me.

2. Do the same with the word surrender. An example – My definition of Surrender: Surrender means to become aware and let go of the things that I do not have control over. This allows me to be at peace with these things. Surrender is to embrace and trust the process of life.

3. Use your new definition of courage and apply it immediately in your life to one thing (only one thing) that has required courage of you yet you haven’t found the courage to do it. Funny that, isn’t it?
Do the same for surrender.

Notice what happens.

Please feel free to drop me a line as I would love to hear how you have re-defined courage so that it works in a way that takes you to a place of action in your life. Also, let me know how surrender now plays out in your life.